Why bother about queuing?

We, being Singaporean, are so used to queuing for anything. We queued for ‘hello kitty’ toys; we queued while buying TOTO or 4D. We queued to go into concert hall to see our idols, we queued for coupons and free gifts back at home.

Here, there is no such word in the Chinese dictionary. I always wonder why it is so difficult for the Chinese to queue.

Although I am enjoying myself, appreciating sceneries and experiencing the culture here, it just gets on my nerves when it comes to queuing. And it can be tiring at times when all these happened...ie. getting pushed around by locals while getting tickets for buses/trains. They will just shaft their hands into the tiny window hole with money to get their tickets while I am just right smack in front the window trying to place order. And when I really get pissed, I will always use my big backpack to block them off and made exaggerated moves in hope to "accidentally" whack them with my bag.

I get trampled over by rushing locals who don't give a damn about queuing to board the train. (I am glad that I have a gigantic backpack behind me to crush them if they plan to get close to me...) and while queuing for toilets, these Chinese will just rush in front of you, caught you by surprise and without leaving you any chance to react as they disappeared into the door-less cubicle.

Soon, it dawned on me that by observing rules and being an ambassador of Singapore gets me to no where. I realised that a lot of time, queuing system doesn't work here. Sometimes I hate to be like them, pushing my way to get myself seen. However, I know that if I play ball and be a 'civilised' person, I can't go anywhere or do anything here. I don't want to be like one of them. I hate myself when I see that side of me, ie. pushing my way together with the people here and using my bag as a shield to knock them off. I felt disgusted with my actions, and these thoughts have left me sleepless in some of the nights.

It is a tough struggle, and in fact, a very great and deep internal struggle. I never fail to ask myself on how much I will go to defend my principles. There were countless times my patience was challenged and I almost wanted to let go of my strong integrity sense. I can see the immense effort I have to put forth in order to integrate into this society which I have been staying for so many months. Although it seems that it doesn't pay to be civilised, I still don't want to join the dark force. I hate this statement, "If you can't beat them, join them!" I guess ultimately, God will see and people here will see too.

Although it may be quite a long time before they realized that there is such an action of lining up behind one another. As many times as possible, I still try my best to queue and make my presence known. I was once cut by others and I went up to the man and told him that I was queuing too. At times, it works. But of course, many continue to turn a deaf ear. Still, I am happy with my choice and I will see how long I will keep to that choice.