there are many ways to see a problem

i thought i have abundance of time with me. everyday just past and somehow, i have lost the ability to count time. while on this journey, there were times when i felt that my time ticked very slowly and i wish it could move a bit faster. and there were times when time flew past so fast just like a thief who creep past me every night without me realising. and when i come to my senses, i realised that i have been away from home for 6 months!

it is so amazing how time expand and contract while i am still unconscious. i realised that its about time i have to fulfill my promise to my parents, that is, to return home by august.

during my stay in beijing, i was indeed quite restless. i was actually planning to go over to mongolia and hope my trip would be confirmed at least by end of this week. however, things do not work out the way i wanted it to be. it has been 2 weeks since i last wanted to move on to other places. and i am still at the same place. now i have a problem...where shall i go on next? with my limited time on my hands, i have to chase for time now!

and as i stay around in beijing and waiting for my trip, so as time slowly ticked past, the thoughts of "wasting time" kept appearing in my head. therefore, i was so caught up with planning and calling up the contact person, that i began to fail myself terribly. i ended up getting more flustered and agitated.

i kept wanting to visit more places and i have not been to those places i set off to visit. well, "it would be a waste" i kept rattering that sentence in my head.

suddenly, on fine day, my friend xiuxiang told me, "Dun you think you are too greedy?" i was struck by her words. and so , i decided to take a long walk in the streets of beijing from her house to Tian'an square. its about 3 hours walk. and as i walked i saw so many things happening on the streets, people rushing on and off from work, hawkers and vendors selling BBQ mutton sticks.

then it dawned on me that no time is wasted indeed. i was so blinded with my own needs, my personal fustrations and the issues of time, that i fail to see the joy of just doing nothing in her house, watching DVDs and reading and her companionship. i am actually happy that i am spending time with her, listening to her complains at work and watching japanese animation with her till 5 am in the morning. and now when i looked back, i can feel the joy of her company, when we go and buy potted plants together, shopping for groceries and eating late night suppers at those weird hours of 2am in the mornings. and so, how i can say that my time is wasted? how stupid am i to be blinded from the joy resting and just doing nothing.

i only came to that realisation after i settled down in a nice cafe in the city area in Beijing. as i sat down to rest my weary legs with a hot latte and hot walnut scones. it is so therapeutic just to walk and walk through the streets of beijing.

and so, the following day i took the walk again, this time, using a totally different route, but getting to the exact same place. then i see the point of getting to one place using different routes.well, there are actually many different combinations of routes just to get to that point. you could walk straight and turn off at the next junction, or turn at the first junction, then walked straight etc...just like statistics, there are many many computations.

by using differnt routes, i saw different things and experienced different feelings. its always so refreshing. and i realised that only that i just have to settle within myself to see what i want to see and tune in to the correct beat, then i would be able to see what i want to see and experience it with my heart.

God has taught me an important lesson in this episode of 'waiting game'. that, there are many ways to get to a destination, just like, so many ways to settle a problem. its important not to be blinded by what is so-called the 'one and only'. and i thank God for opening my eyes and my heart to witness the essence of time instead of the physical value.

and so, even if i did not get to where i want eventually, the journey of getting there is such a joy. with this, i really thank you my friend, for adopting me during my stay in beijing. that really save a lot of cost in terms of finding a lodging. and i really really enjoy my this 3 weeks of stay with you and your friendship. and i have learned something from you too! thank you xiuxiang!

ps: i was in Hard Rock cafe yesterday night, listening to their live band while sipping beers and eating peanuts. such a joy!

Splashed the money on the tables, would you?

i am very very amazed at how the chinese spent their money in building relationships. it is not surprising at all to see how the chinese officials can spend a bomb in displaying the table with flashy food, food that i never thought i am going to have for my trip here.

i was in Dali with some Singaporean friends who came by to establish contacts with the chinese officials here. they were here for YEP projects - to improve the school's teaching standard and syllubus, which ultimately, to improve the lives of the kids in the school. i was honored to meet up with them and we traveled up to meet the education department officials together. din expect my choice to be such a 'fulfiling' one and indeed, it fufills the needs of my stomach.

every day, every meal, we just sat around the tables with at least 10 dishes spread in front of my eyes. food ranged from vegetarian dishes to donkey's meat....

and after every meal, there will sure be food left over, which is the least surprising....

well, heard from them that when they host guests, there must be leftover food, so as to show signs of prosperity and abundance and most importantly, to let the guests feel that they have more to give. but deep inside my heart, i ask myself, more to give to who? to us? who already had so much in life, or to those who need more?

so as i watch the waitress clearing up the food, i think of the ironic scenes of these education officials savouring pieces of donkey's meat, whereas the children from the schools are still chewing on the grasses.

and the reason we are all working towards: "to improve the life of the students".

somehow, it very difficult for me to picture the above words in my mind upon seeing all these. i wonder if i am being too cynical?

heaven and hell

oh, back to my typical singaporean lifestyle in China!

i must really really thank my 2 friends who allowed this to happen, nana and xiuxiang. really thank them for being there with me in this beijing trip. a short break from the toughness of travel and enjoy this place like a typical tourist.

its about shopping and eating everyday! during my past 2 weeks of stay in beijing, i have experienced "heaven". the heaven of big and classy shopping malls, clean and fragrant toilets with lockable doors. ok, beside the doors, they have TVs inside the toilets! the shopping malls served 'bread talk' bread, Din Tai Feng, haagen daz ice cream and many many other luxurious food. i was so excited to see all these placing in front of me after been in other more remote parts of china. however, i was also quite shocked with my reactions. afterall, i came from a place where such things are part of my life. what have i become? why do i have such great reactions?

well, i wonder how many percent of the chinese population will get to see and experience such luxurious city life?well, as i was happily indulging myself in my shopping frenzy, i was reminded of the villagers and the country people i came across throughout my travel here. i wonder if they know there is such a "heavenly" place in their country? or i should i say, the place they belongs to is already a heaven to them. maybe for them , such a city place could be hell instead? well, although their living conditions are much poorer than beijingers' lifestyles, and they cannot enjoy what is so called "comfort", i still think that their "comfort" items might come in different forms? the blue skies above their heads and the fresh air they breath in everyday?

i thought it make a difference to person born in China or singapore or africa, because, it will make a difference to that person's life. however, now i also see the great difference being born in beijing or in other parts of the china, or even in the remote village in guizhou. it will make a difference in their lifestyle, their education and what they see as important in their lives.

for example, the value of 1 RMB n beijing and in a village could be different. 1 RMB spent in beijing could the sum of money a farmer can get while selling his tomatoes. i have spent over hundreds of RMB shopping for bags and clothes and this sum of money could be the farmer's monthly salary, provided that can sell off their entire plot of vegetables. that is how great the difference in money in china itself.

i couldn't have possibly think of all these when i am back in singapore, spending my money in buying clothes, or even just to buy bread or indulge in NYDC. however, i dunno why, but after my stay in this country long enough, i will think the other side. but then again, this is life. whatever is it, life still goes on and all i have to do is to appreciate what i am having with me.

what seems precious to a person can be a piece of trash in another persons's eyes.

My teaching experience in Lijiang

The artistic rooftops of the houses in Lijiang. Now picture this scene from the "Crouching tiger and Hidden Dragon" where the kung fu masters were springing like flying-lemars from rooftop to rooftop....

And of course, here's the streets in Lijiang old town.....somewhat like "Dragon-door Inn"

I am indeed very fortunate and well-blessed to be given such an opportunity to be able to serve the people here in China. Remembering at that time when I first arrived, I wasn't too sure what to expect. After all, its going to be a long trip for me as I have resigned from my previous job in order to have time on my side. I really wanted to do something I've always desired, that is, to get off from the hustles and bustles of a typical Singaporean life and take some time to breath and enjoy what is around me.

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Thus I took this BIG step of faith to step out of my own circle and take a look at the world outside where my eyes can bring me. I first set off to teach in schools during December last year, however, the timing wasn't that right as they were all having their winter breaks. So, I set off to travel around China instead.

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Thank God, by April this year, I managed to get a contact of a village school near Lijiang city in Yunnan province. This village is called Ming Ying and its about 2 hours ride away from the Lijiang city. I am indeed, honored and it was indeed a humbling experience to be able to teach in that village school and interacting with the students in the school. Such experience, I think, would mould anyone to be grateful of where we were born and what we have back in Singapore. This is because I just cannot imagine I am going to living such conditions after enjoying what I have back in Singapore.

THE SCHOOL

This school known as "The Ming Yin Third Secondary School" and was located up in the mountains, near to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain ranges at Lijiang city. I would need to take a 3 hours of bumpy bus ride up into the mountains from the city. The school was constructed with hard-beaten clay floors and mud walls with zinc roofs. The small classrooms were crampy with about 60 students in one class. They were all packed like sardines, with 3 to a table and a bench. With my size, I can occupy the entire bench all by myself. That explained how small size these kids were (could be due to malnutrition) or how big I am!

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Now, the toilet weren't any better, without doors, no flush available and these shitting pits were to be cleared once a week by the students on duty. As there were only about 16 toilets for the entire school of students and teachers, one can really imagine the conditions when it comes to Fridays. I really had problem enjoying my time releasing wastes from my body and this is not good!

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Almost all the students stayed in the dormitories as their homes were really far from the school. This school is the only secondary school within the range and it housed many students from adjacent villages as well. Some of these kids stayed many kilometers away from school and they will need to hike for 8 hours before they can reach the school. However, almost 90 percent of these kids really came from very poor villages and their parents cannot support them financially for their meals. Therefore, it is beyond their means to have a decent dish of meat regularly. A lot of them ended up having only a dish of meat every week. The rest of the days, they just had plain rice and vegetables (which is already a luxury for them!)

The state of their classrooms

I will usually sleep in the village from Monday to Friday every week and went down to Lijiang city for "top-ups". I treasured my "top-ups" sessions a lot because this is will the time that I will indulged with "happy food" like the "Ba-Ba" (Yunnan fried bread) and bakeries. I will also get myself a lot of fruits to improve my bowels. Honestly, I sometimes would enjoy my 2 days of stay in the city so much that I would have problem psyching myself to go back to the village. One of the reasons could be the ride up to the village.

RIDE UP TO THE SCHOOL

Our small mini-bus bounced its way up the mountains, with the driver trying to avoid potholes and swerving at every bends with the edge of the tires scrapping along the edges of the winding mud tracks. I usually have to share this mini bus with many villagers and their favourite possessions like live chickens and sacks of rice, corn and fresh vegetables. As I heard the chickens croaked and flatters their wings, and the vomiting noise made by the lady behind me every time when the bus turned, I am thankful of not suffering from motion sickness that easily.

Although the journey can be tough, the scenery is definitely breath-taking! I can seethe entire range of the snow-covered Jade dragon mountains in front of me. Mountains with lovely rice terraces filling up every bit of the ground. All the homes along the way were made with careful hands, piling up the granites rocks that fitted nicely into their places. I soon began to forget the bus conditions which I was in and smile at the wonderful creations of God.

Every morning, I was welcomed with many little curious faces. They will just look at me shyly and giggled when I look back at them. I was quite uncomfortable initially because I do not like attention at all. Soon, after talking to the teachers, I came to realise that they were just very curious about me and my country. Almost all of them had never been to their city (Lijiang) even though it is only 3 hours bus ride away from where they stayed, let alone my country-Singapore. To almost all of them, "Singapore" is a long, yet unfamiliar word that will never appear in their dictionary if I wasn't there to let them know that such country exits.

Only then, I realised how small their world is and even with such a small world that they are living in, they are very appreciative of what they have. My job there was to teach simple English, help the teachers to conduct PE lessons and taught the students to sing English songs during their music lessons. Although it seemed a lot, I did have a lot of free time still. I will always walk up to a little open field somewhere near the school, lie down on the soft grass and let the breeze caress me. The innocent faces of these kids when they handed me a bouquet of wild flowers never fails to brighten up my days. Even though I felt that I didn't managed to help them much, due to my limited time and my abilities, they are really appreciative about every little single thing that I gave to them, even just a simple greeting like, "Good morning, Hello, how are you today?"

Actually, we don't need any hard skills or flamboyant words. All we need is just sincerity and people would be able to see. I enjoy my time, interacting with the students and playing basketball with them! These students were motivated by nature, despite their tedious studying and living conditions. All of them know since young, that education is important to them because they will need that to get out of their poverty cycle. Or if not, they will have to remain in poverty for the rest of their lives, with their farming parents. They need to work hard to graduate from the secondary school and to get to a higher grade school in the city in order to pave their road towards a better life.

Assembly for the morning session, teachers' briefing.

These small little lives, although been through tremendous hardships and had no choice in where they would like to be born, still remained cheerful and appreciative of ever little things in life. Being a Singaporean with so much on hands, I am, on the other hand, guilty of complaining too much about my life.

I think beside the point of me opening them up to the world (which I dun think I have done that much), I thank them for opening myself up to my inner world too. I have seen more within myself and I really thank God for such opportunity for me to see myself better. I have also learned from them, that it is possible to smile with eyes.

My first flight experience

Being a stingy and a super-low budget backpacker, spending money on transport should be of the lowest cost. However, I have decided to make a choice to fly to Beijing from Kunming instead of taking a train.

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Reason: it will take me 40 hours by train with a cost of 580 RMB, and by flying over, I just need 3 hours and a cost of 760RMB (it was on a 65% discount!)

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And so of course, I will not save that 200 RMB for that 37 hours difference in time.

I realised that China is so humungous! That the time taken to fly from Kunming to Beijing is almost the same as the time taken to fly from Kunming back to Singapore! Wow! Amazingly big country and I felt amazingly small at the same time!

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It is so funny and ironic to know that it doesn’t mean that your life will be much better by taking a plane to somewhere. My flight to Beijing was delayed for 4 hours before it took off. So, I have to spend 4 hours sitting in the waiting lounge and waiting for the staff for announcement.

I was told initially that because there is a change in the direction of the wind and so, the plane cannot take off as that side was covered with mountains. Also, the plane was overloaded and they requested some of us to move out from the plane to catch the next flight. later than I realised that they have actually over sold the tickets and now trying to do some damaged control, which is lying to them about the wind conditions and hope that some of them will change to another flight.

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I was reminded of my journey in Xishuangbanna, where my bus was delayed for 4 hours due to some landslides. So, once again, unexpected things do happen and I have learned to pace myself for that. Although I am taking it quite well (because I think I dun really have very urgent meetings to catch..etc), that did not go the same for the locals.It is so amusing to see how the locals made a big fuss out of this matter. They were banging tables, asking for explanations, which proceed with demanding certain compensations from the airline company. Some of them were asking to see the manager or "the person with the highest authority". While some aunties were crowding around, and checking out what's going on. Its so funny when more and more "educated" people (with coat and ties) joined in the argument, whereas the ignorant aunties just nod their heads to whatever the protestors demands. Well, even though things get heated, we still have to wait for the plane to fly. There's still nothing we can do.

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It was like watching a live comedy show. I saw how flustered looking these passengers were, how angry they were, and at the same time, I pitied those who have meetings to catch and those with their loved ones waiting anxiously at Beijing airport for their loved ones to come. Well, although it can be quite depressing to know that no one will be waiting for me at the airport, I am also happy that I dun have to waste the time of others or letting that person wait for as long as I am over here.

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Their damaged control: I got to eat my airline meals in the waiting lounge. I guess it was because the passengers were demanding for compensation, such as food. (ps: our flight supposed to fly at 630pm) and so, the ever-smart airline company sent in many expressionless and indifferent air-stewardess (who have now became land-stewardess) and dished out our flight meals to us in the waiting lounge.So, I was there, squatting down against the window pane in the crowded and non-air conditioned waiting lounge, having my flight meal (fried chicken noodles) and drinking my orange juice. Outside of that window pane, I could see planes flying in and out of the airport, but not my plane.

Here's my airline food....on the floor of the waiting hall.

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I realised that I have grown more accustomed to the system here in China after been here for such a long time. I was the least surprise when I get to know that they over-sold the tickets. Well, that’s part and parcel of traveling around and I just have to smile at it and wait patiently for my plane to come and pick me up.

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Finally, I get on board and flew over to Beijing. Thank God that I was sitting next to a very nice aunty who kept rattering about the incident to me and once again, I can exercise myself as being a good listener. While she was still rattering, I got distracted by a fly....saw a fly flew past and stopped at the window. I thought I was dreaming because after so many years of flying, I did not remember seeing a housefly on a plane?!

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Haha, that was kind of funny though, I thought I could complain about a fly in my soup if I am going to have my in-flight meal on board.

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As I touched down at Beijing international airport at 1 am, a cluster of passengers behind me refused to alight from the plane. They were demanding to see the manager on board and the pilot. Sigh...as if they can do anything.

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And so, my weary body said 'Hi' to Beijing, the capital of China! Here I am, ready for the next series of challenges coming up....

Impromptu thoughts

A heart warming sunset in one of the lake in China. I was just sitting by the lake, waiting the sun to set, and embrace the coming of the next day.

I wrote this in an email and sent to some of my dear friends in Singapore. However, I did not managed to send this out to everyone I know. While I was in an internet cafe and writing mails, I suddenly had such thoughts and feelings and thus, decided to write to some of my friends. Now, I shall publish out here, so that more will be able to read.

During my time here in China, I always have impromptu thoughts and feelings appearing out of nowhere. Sometimes thoughts will just flood in while I am walking on the streets, when I have read some interesting passages, or after I have heard someone said something. This little bulb in my head will just suddenly light up and I will have many thoughts following after that. I don’t know whether if this is good or bad. I think because I have too much time on hand, which explains why I always let my mind wander around...

Anyway, here’s my email:

"Greetings to all my dear and beloved friends. Well, here are some of my feelings and thoughts at this moment and I can say, that are signs of ageing. Hmm, anyway, I am fortunate to be given such ample time to reflect and think about the issues of life, but until now, I have not really comprehend myself thoroughly. I guess we will never be able to understand ourselves thoroughly, because a human mind is so deep.

I really understand the phrase, "it is when you are having adventure you wish you are at home and when you are at home, you wish you are having adventure..." there are a lot of time where loneliness pushes my thoughts of going back home and start finding a job and settle down. However, when I am wake up in the morning, not to the sound of alarm clock, but to the irritating crocking of the roaster (I wish I could just kill it and have roasted chicken), the music of the streets, nature and the sounds which I may not get to hear back in Singapore. I am glad that I dun need to rush to work, at least for this moment.

I get to salivate the local food at such unbelievable prices, and as for my missing items, I realised that what's more important is good health, everything else intact and being able to come back to comfortable Singapore. When I am really down and out, I look around at the people and tell myself that I always have a choice to head back to Singapore... where life is much easier. these locals may not have that travel opportunity to go anywhere else.

However, I can also choose not to take an easy way out and take this as something that will make me grow.I love my job as an instructor and have never regretted going to OBS. It helped me grow to the person who I am and made me meet so many nice people whom I will want to keep with me for life, and you guys are part of my life. Still there are many more...and I am indeed well-blessed with many who really cares. I would like to make use of this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you for making a difference in my life. Thank you so much. I have been reminiscing about the old time we had in OBS. I know for those who left, OBS will always etch in their hearts. Well, now that I have left my job, I began to think of what I would like to do when I'm back. I really cannot imagine myself going to office from 9-5... but then again, seeing so many of you guys did, I began to think nothing is impossible, and when one is forced to do something under circumstances, one will be able to adapt, furthermore, we are instructors, with the higher ability of adapting than any other humans. Or maybe not?

However, I truly agree that one cannot be so free for life. Maybe because we are Singaporeans? Or we have roles and duties to fulfill in order to blend into part of the society? Well, indeed, it doesn't feel good to stray off the main flow, unless one have that courage. I don’t know whether I have that. I began to understand that I shall and I will savour every single minute while witnessing sunrises and sunsets and watching the world go by. It is like what my friend, Adam Chan had said to me, "an extrinsic trip but an intrinsic journey."

I guess after I am back to Singapore, life will take care of itself. Right now, I just have to learn to enjoy my experiences here, seeing how people work and be thankful that I am born in Singapore and not in China, or any part of the world... the more I am away from home, the more I feel blessed as a Singaporean. I really cannot imagine myself being a China girl here, with the many things I have to endure, the unforgiving and senseless system here, and of course, many irritating Chinese men. Haha..Everyday, my mind is filled with new discoveries and revelations. I discover more and more about myself, about the world around me and my friends. Patience is as important as having an understanding heart. I am grateful that I have such a long break from my life. My world now has stopped momentarily, in another world, just like a child, without responsibilities and helplessness being part of the society. But, I cannot escape that for long, I know I have to come back to the "real" world and be like one of you one day.

I did realised that my life has slowed down a lot. I walked slower, appreciating all the possible things around me, the street vendors, the electric bikers and the whole lot of phlegm-spitting Chinese. In fact, my life has slowed down so much that I scared I cannot catch up with you guys when I'm back to Singapore. In the past, I used to walk very fast from point A to point B, I used to rush for time every day. Having a lot of agendas to meet and having a lot of activities that my time is so thinly spread out. But now, time is not an issue to me anymore. My world has stopped, my time has stopped and I am enjoying it, bit by bit. Then I realised that I am getting older! I dunno how much time I have left with me. Not to think, but to take each minute by each minute because you will not know what happy things or unhappy things will happen next."

Lastly, would like to leave you with a quote, my friend Pauline Low once said this to me,"Our happiness is truly dependent on how we look at things around us."

The 'Julia Robert's' boots

Hey, it was so amazing to see how the women dress here. Well, I can say, they really made great effort in dressing up themselves, even going to the market. I can see young women like to wear the typical "Julia Robert's" high-cut boots. These boots can literally bring them to everywhere and anywhere. They doubled up as trekking boots in the mountains, slippers in the market, and heels in the shopping malls.

With such a pair of high heels boots, not only they can run amazingly fast to catch bus and trains, they can also tread through mountains and fields effortlessly. These women indeed, have strong calves! It is so amazing that they got so used to their boots that they have integrated as part of their legs. As for me, I still sprained my ankles while chasing after bus, slipped and fell in the mountains with my ‘Montreal’ trekking boots.

Although I admired them wearing such footwear to roam around, I don’t think I will be able to wear them, partly because of the sizes available, and partly these Chinese women really know how to take good care of their bodies, that their legs really look nice and slender. Since I am blessed with 2 big tree trunks to hold my weight, I think I better be contented with just running shoes and trekking boots. Furthermore, I think the boots will burst if I'm going wear them.

My first train ride in China - Yi Chang to Zhang Jia Jie

Train rides in China were never easy. In fact, it can be quite hell-like, especially during Chinese New year season.

I bought a hard-seat ticket to Zhang Jia Jie from Yi Chang. The ride will take me about 6 hours. The on-going train was scheduled to arrive at the train station at 1pm.

There were actually a lot of people with tones of baggage waiting to board the train. The entire waiting hall was very much in a chaotic state. At about 1245pm, just 15 minutes before the train arrive, the gate was finally opened and there was a mad-rush. People of different kinds-the old and weak with walking sticks, the young teenagers, wives with babies strapped onto their backs, men with huge boxes of loads, small children with ice-cream on their hands....they were all in front of me. I cannot imagine I even lose out to the old people here. I cannot bring myself to push and squeeze through them, and so I stand right at the back of the crowd, trying my best to use my backpack to prevent more people from cutting in front of me. Eventually, I don’t really bother about queuing anymore because it doesn't work here.

It was so amazing that there was an automatic travelator in the train station. Just by standing still, you will move forward…yes, a human travelator and I was being pushed forward by the crowd behind. I found myself ended up at the ticket counter in no less than a minute. When I reached the platform, I was left with only less than 5 minutes to board the train! My cabin was number 35 and I was actually standing at cabin number 15. I ran together with my backpack to my cabin because I've heard about incidents, that the train here will leave on time despite the fact that you are still running for it. Of course, I don’t want to end up in that position! Once again, I am glad that I am OBS-trained, for if not, I cannot imagine myself running after the train with my super big backpack strapped onto my shoulders.

Second round of squeezing came to me when I finally found the tiny door that says "35". The entire cabin was filled with people and it was jammed packed to the door. I know I have to get on the train and so, I put on my thick-skin and crash my way into the door, trampling on the locals and stepping all over their bags. Shacks! I hate that but there's nothing I can do either.

Inside the cabin, it was a sight. The entire cabin was so chaotic. People were either pushing in their baggage on the racks, or finding their seats. There can be as many as a family of 6 sharing a bench which is only meant for 3. I finally found my seat, occupied by a typical "Ah-Beng". He has a row gold tooth, with matching gold hair! Cool! Nevertheless, whether or not he has gold teeth, I am still asking him for my seat back because I cannot imagine myself standing for 6 hours in that train. In fact, he looked suspicious as if he came on board without any tickets.

Anyway, he shifted his butt and shared the seat with his friends who were sitting beside me. It was really crampy, with 5 persons (the 5th one is actually my backpack) sitting on a bench meant for 3. I stuffed my backpack on the floor in between my legs instead.

Ok, now these "Ah-Bengs" were really a bunch of irritating flies, yet they can be quite funny. They broadcast their MP3 songs on their handphones and sang loudly with it. Ordered fruits and throw banana skins, grape seeds and orange peels out of the train windows. Spit regularly on the floor just beside me and scattered the melon seeds all over the floor. The worst thing was that they smoked non-stop throughout the train-ride and even though the train attendant tried to stop them, they out rightly argued back. I was suffering and almost got myself chocked by the smoke. I was actually thinking is it better for me to jump out of the train window and get run over by the train or to die of suffocation as the later is a much slower and painful death, just like what I am experiencing at this moment. I wore my "Mickey Mouse" face mask and use my hands to fan furiously, trying to let them get the hint. Failed.

Soon, they grew bored and began to flirt with a young girl sitting by the window next to me. It was funny as these guys try to act macho and be monkeys to entertain the girl. And hey, I was quite entertained too. That made my journey more interesting.

Then I saw the train conductor holding a huge carton of socks and selling them. Hmm, I didn't know that train conductors can do part time job, such as socks vendor while on the train. That was interesting!

Though the train was chaotic and I did suffer a fair bit while on board this train, it is always the overcrowded trains in China that really make my journey much more interesting. This in turn, makes our MRT seems so dull and devoid of character. Through the boarding of trains and taking public buses in China, I was given the full avenue to experience the Chinese culture live, on board.

How much is enough?

Sometimes, I really hated the Vietnamese more than the Chinese. Within my short span of stay in Vietnam, the number of cheaters I have encountered was alarmingly more than those I've met in China. Sometimes I wonder if I am really that stupid that I have the word, "please cheat my money" written on my forehead! I don’t know if its me who turned more ignorant, or it is really the people here who are more shrewd than the Chinese.

I have discussed with several travelers I met along my journey. We were talking about how much is enough? I really don't mind paying more than the locals. Well after all, we are tourists and our economic development is much better than them.But I think charging the price higher for tourists can be for survival or just purely greed. However, that is such a thin fine line and who can know? And what cause the locals to cheat tourists' money, I feel, is because they think that all those countries we came from are rich places and the people there are so rich that paying that extra amount means nothing at all. Well, their idea: as long as you are a tourists and can get to travel, you are rich...that simple. Just like if we pay that extra 1 dollar, it means 10 dollars in their eyes. For this, I can fully understand. Nevertheless, it is very wrong to think that all tourists are idiots. I just cannot swallow my pride of being cheated, I think.

Anyway, think it is inevitable that we, as tourists pay more to the locals. But helping the poor is one thing and satisfying greed is another. I just don't feel comfortable knowing the fact that I paid so much more than a local.I was hitching a ride down from the border of Lao Cai to Hanoi. I was asked to pay 200,000D for the 8 hours ride and I soon found out the locals pay 50,000D. That was a great hell load of difference!! I was shocked, yet I just have to swallow down. Every time when I know I was cheated, I can't help but to feel the anger burning. And again, every time after my anger disappeared, I will ask myself whether I will do the same thing if I am in their shoes, or if I am in the same living conditions as theirs…this cycle always continues.

Street hawkers in Vietnam

So, is it about integrity or survival? How much does integrity cost? Well, if you can't even feed a family, then why bothers about integrity? Afterall, the ultimate goal of their lives is to survive.

My days in Vietnam

My Vietnam coffee, my journal and the dock in front of me..

I have to enter Vietnam in order to extend my visa. As I am holding on to a multiple entry Chinese visa, I need to get out of China every 2 months in order to extend my stay here. Thankfully it is my fourth time here, and I am actually quite used to the Vietnamese culture and food,

Here, let's talk about my stay over in Vietnam. Vietnam is so much different from China. I can see so many foreigners walking on the streets, and there were so many of them that half the population on the streets is a not a local. Though I looked very much like a Vietnamese myself (the Asian look), when I open my mouth to speak, my identity was exposed.

I appreciate the hot weather over here in Vietnam because I was here during late Jan and early Feb, which is the winter season in China. Finally, I can walk through the streets of Hoi An, wearing shorts and t-shirts, exposing my snow white legs in the hope to make them darker. I felt so light once again, without all the layers of clothes wrapping around me. Maybe that’s the reason why there were so many tourists in Vietnam during this season. I guessed they must have come here to escape from the bitter cold winter (like migratory birds huh?).Well, I enjoyed walking along the crampy streets of the old town in Hanoi and Hoi An. it has been quite a while since I saw sea. Ever since I arrived in China, I am only exposed to lakes and rivers, but not the sea.

Whooo, I love the sea. I love beaches. And being here in Vietnam really makes me as happy as a bird.

I was sipping my Vietnamese drip coffee at one of the street shop just beside a dock, at Huong river in Hoi An old town. Sitting down, drinking coffee, reading book and writing journal are some of my favourite past time here. I enjoy just sitting down and watching the world past by me, I like people-watching. I am fascinated at how people from different part of the world living their lives so differently from mine. My life as a typical urban Singaporean, compared to a Vietnamese dessert street-vendor... that is so different! Yet sometimes, I envied their lifestyles. That simple with no frills. All they just need is to sell as many bowls of desserts as possible in order to earn a living.This can be quite a busy dock. Activities are filled at every corner: There were vegetable sellers shouting some unknown languages and bargaining with the housewives; Fishermen were there weighing the sleek slivery fishes on the weighing scale; Hawkers walking up and down carrying a bamboo pole across their shoulders with 2 big baskets of fruits at each end of the pole.

Negotiation going on...

The boat is a mean of transport for the locals who stayed at the opposite coast. It was loaded with bicycles and students and will leave once it is filled. Every where is so noisy and people were very busy with their different lives. Things keep going on around me, and I am like watching a live 3D documentary movie with surround sound system.

Although my surroundings are filled with noises and movement of people, I am still. I felt peace inside me and its like I am watching the world goes past me. How I wish I can always be in this position, as an outsider, watching my surrounding. As I looked back at my time spent in Singapore, I am just as busy as these hawkers, fumbling with my work, rushing for time and meeting agenda. I am in the picture and not outside the picture. Now that being in this position where I am, I am able to see more and think more.

Noises just filled the space around me but not in me. It was so quite that I can hear my own breathing and my heart beating.

My Chinese New Year in Guilin

My CNY celebration was exciting! Initially, my plan was to escape CNY from China and spent it in Vietnam, but due to certain unforeseen circumstances, I was back in China -Guilin on the eve.

The atmosphere was so different back at home. Everyone was busy preparing for the coming New Year. Families went out for reunion dinner; markets were filled with housewives, buying chickens and pigs to be slaughtered for the occasion. Kids and adults alike went setting off fire-crackers on the streets.I went to join the crowd and set off fireworks too. That night, it was drizzling, and I was quite wet. However, the rain did not dampen my mood. Just like a kid, I was so excited, ready to blow off the place with my 24-shots fireworks. I was at the 'Jia Tian Xia' square, together with many people, in the rain. This is one of the official places where one can set off fire-crackers/fire works.

I heard from some locals, that the police usually will close an eye if it comes to festive season. In urban areas, one can only set off fireworks if there is a big festival. However, in rural areas, you can set off as many fireworks as you want. Interestingly, here comes the paradox again, that rich urban people have money to buy the fireworks, yet are all banned from them; whereas for the poor villagers, they would rather use the money to feed mouths than to spend on fireworks.

It is so spectacular to see so many people gathering together to set off many different kinds of fireworks. I was so elated and it was very heart-warming to see families gathering together and releasing fireworks of different patterns in different forms. And as each fireworks exploded in the dark sky, I can see that they were telling the happy story of each family here.

I video-ed the entire firework display, and I can hear myself letting go all the "whaaas" and "whoahhs" throughout the entire firework exhibitions. It reminds me of our national day firework displays. The difference is that this time, I get to set off my personal fireworks instead.

Well, although China is THE PLACE to spend your Chinese new year, (just like I had spent my Deepavali in India 7 years ago). I also realised that it is the person who you spent your Chinese new year with that makes a difference. It doesn't matter where you spent, it is who you spent with that counts. I still hope that in future years to come, I can spend my Chinese New Year with my family, with my parents. While watching the skies lighted up with many different colours and patterns of the fireworks, I miss my family and wish they are here with me to enjoy this picture.

This is the time I really miss home.

Why bother about queuing?

We, being Singaporean, are so used to queuing for anything. We queued for ‘hello kitty’ toys; we queued while buying TOTO or 4D. We queued to go into concert hall to see our idols, we queued for coupons and free gifts back at home.

Here, there is no such word in the Chinese dictionary. I always wonder why it is so difficult for the Chinese to queue.

Although I am enjoying myself, appreciating sceneries and experiencing the culture here, it just gets on my nerves when it comes to queuing. And it can be tiring at times when all these happened...ie. getting pushed around by locals while getting tickets for buses/trains. They will just shaft their hands into the tiny window hole with money to get their tickets while I am just right smack in front the window trying to place order. And when I really get pissed, I will always use my big backpack to block them off and made exaggerated moves in hope to "accidentally" whack them with my bag.

I get trampled over by rushing locals who don't give a damn about queuing to board the train. (I am glad that I have a gigantic backpack behind me to crush them if they plan to get close to me...) and while queuing for toilets, these Chinese will just rush in front of you, caught you by surprise and without leaving you any chance to react as they disappeared into the door-less cubicle.

Soon, it dawned on me that by observing rules and being an ambassador of Singapore gets me to no where. I realised that a lot of time, queuing system doesn't work here. Sometimes I hate to be like them, pushing my way to get myself seen. However, I know that if I play ball and be a 'civilised' person, I can't go anywhere or do anything here. I don't want to be like one of them. I hate myself when I see that side of me, ie. pushing my way together with the people here and using my bag as a shield to knock them off. I felt disgusted with my actions, and these thoughts have left me sleepless in some of the nights.

It is a tough struggle, and in fact, a very great and deep internal struggle. I never fail to ask myself on how much I will go to defend my principles. There were countless times my patience was challenged and I almost wanted to let go of my strong integrity sense. I can see the immense effort I have to put forth in order to integrate into this society which I have been staying for so many months. Although it seems that it doesn't pay to be civilised, I still don't want to join the dark force. I hate this statement, "If you can't beat them, join them!" I guess ultimately, God will see and people here will see too.

Although it may be quite a long time before they realized that there is such an action of lining up behind one another. As many times as possible, I still try my best to queue and make my presence known. I was once cut by others and I went up to the man and told him that I was queuing too. At times, it works. But of course, many continue to turn a deaf ear. Still, I am happy with my choice and I will see how long I will keep to that choice.

Getting used to the communal life here

I am a person who needs personal space. I mean privacy. However, since the day I stepped onto this land of the Dragons, I came to realise that when it comes to building toilets, the people here can save a large sum of money by not fixing up the toilet doors.

I really felt so awkward peeing in front of a long queue. Although, yes, we all are the same species and there is nothing special about each other's body parts. However, being quite a conservative person, I cannot release myself under the many pairs of eyes.

Ok ok, I know it’s not an appropriate photo to show, however, I feel the impact of my point across will be greater if the photo is there. Hehe, good way to score sympathy points!

Well, I then realised the more you try to shun and look suspicious, the more these aunties will stare that you. And I mean really stare at you when you squat above the hole. So, I tried my best to behave perfectly normal, and take off my pants as casually as possible.I think, the more you think people will look at you, the more they WILL.. As time goes by, I have been getting used to peeing without a proper door, with everyone peeing together, side by side with each other. Nothing uncommon and nothing in wonder.

In fact, many times when I visited the touristy area where toilets have doors, I have actually forgotten that there is a door and didn’t close it!

All I can say is the toilets in the rural areas were really stimulating to my sight and smell...I wonder if its something to do with their diet, because the wastes were splattered all over the place, and I wonder why they can't aim properly into the shit-hole? I could see maggots oozing out from the pile of waste below me. There were some faster ones, which have consumed more wastes, and blessed with more energy were already up on the walls!!

Being my size, I have to move in and out of these toilets in an extra slow and careful manner. Every turn I made in the toilet is done with precision and exact degree, so as not to scrape the wall. I pictured myself as an elephant dancing ballet in a tiny room meant for elegant swans.

And obviously, the smell from these items is so stimulating to my olfactory system that I cannot smell any other smells for the next 20 secs after I come out from the toilet. A lot of times, I would rather do it out in the wild, just behind a bush or something. I have learnt to close my eyes and hold my breath...

Somehow, after talking to farmers, I also realised that what seems as 'wastes' to us is actually 'gold' to them. They need these wastes for their vegetations and plantations, which directly affect their livelihood. I gave myself even better reasons to do my business in the wild so as to save the trouble for the farmers to bring out my wastes to the plants. I can help by directly fertilizing the plants, hot and fresh! So once again, I have learned to look at things in different perspectives, as in, some things which seem to be useless to you, can be very useful to somebody else.

My dear friend, Nana, told me that Jim Eillot once said this -" He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose" She came across this statement in a show, "End of the Spear". I find this meaningful too.