Impromptu thoughts

A heart warming sunset in one of the lake in China. I was just sitting by the lake, waiting the sun to set, and embrace the coming of the next day.

I wrote this in an email and sent to some of my dear friends in Singapore. However, I did not managed to send this out to everyone I know. While I was in an internet cafe and writing mails, I suddenly had such thoughts and feelings and thus, decided to write to some of my friends. Now, I shall publish out here, so that more will be able to read.

During my time here in China, I always have impromptu thoughts and feelings appearing out of nowhere. Sometimes thoughts will just flood in while I am walking on the streets, when I have read some interesting passages, or after I have heard someone said something. This little bulb in my head will just suddenly light up and I will have many thoughts following after that. I don’t know whether if this is good or bad. I think because I have too much time on hand, which explains why I always let my mind wander around...

Anyway, here’s my email:

"Greetings to all my dear and beloved friends. Well, here are some of my feelings and thoughts at this moment and I can say, that are signs of ageing. Hmm, anyway, I am fortunate to be given such ample time to reflect and think about the issues of life, but until now, I have not really comprehend myself thoroughly. I guess we will never be able to understand ourselves thoroughly, because a human mind is so deep.

I really understand the phrase, "it is when you are having adventure you wish you are at home and when you are at home, you wish you are having adventure..." there are a lot of time where loneliness pushes my thoughts of going back home and start finding a job and settle down. However, when I am wake up in the morning, not to the sound of alarm clock, but to the irritating crocking of the roaster (I wish I could just kill it and have roasted chicken), the music of the streets, nature and the sounds which I may not get to hear back in Singapore. I am glad that I dun need to rush to work, at least for this moment.

I get to salivate the local food at such unbelievable prices, and as for my missing items, I realised that what's more important is good health, everything else intact and being able to come back to comfortable Singapore. When I am really down and out, I look around at the people and tell myself that I always have a choice to head back to Singapore... where life is much easier. these locals may not have that travel opportunity to go anywhere else.

However, I can also choose not to take an easy way out and take this as something that will make me grow.I love my job as an instructor and have never regretted going to OBS. It helped me grow to the person who I am and made me meet so many nice people whom I will want to keep with me for life, and you guys are part of my life. Still there are many more...and I am indeed well-blessed with many who really cares. I would like to make use of this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you for making a difference in my life. Thank you so much. I have been reminiscing about the old time we had in OBS. I know for those who left, OBS will always etch in their hearts. Well, now that I have left my job, I began to think of what I would like to do when I'm back. I really cannot imagine myself going to office from 9-5... but then again, seeing so many of you guys did, I began to think nothing is impossible, and when one is forced to do something under circumstances, one will be able to adapt, furthermore, we are instructors, with the higher ability of adapting than any other humans. Or maybe not?

However, I truly agree that one cannot be so free for life. Maybe because we are Singaporeans? Or we have roles and duties to fulfill in order to blend into part of the society? Well, indeed, it doesn't feel good to stray off the main flow, unless one have that courage. I don’t know whether I have that. I began to understand that I shall and I will savour every single minute while witnessing sunrises and sunsets and watching the world go by. It is like what my friend, Adam Chan had said to me, "an extrinsic trip but an intrinsic journey."

I guess after I am back to Singapore, life will take care of itself. Right now, I just have to learn to enjoy my experiences here, seeing how people work and be thankful that I am born in Singapore and not in China, or any part of the world... the more I am away from home, the more I feel blessed as a Singaporean. I really cannot imagine myself being a China girl here, with the many things I have to endure, the unforgiving and senseless system here, and of course, many irritating Chinese men. Haha..Everyday, my mind is filled with new discoveries and revelations. I discover more and more about myself, about the world around me and my friends. Patience is as important as having an understanding heart. I am grateful that I have such a long break from my life. My world now has stopped momentarily, in another world, just like a child, without responsibilities and helplessness being part of the society. But, I cannot escape that for long, I know I have to come back to the "real" world and be like one of you one day.

I did realised that my life has slowed down a lot. I walked slower, appreciating all the possible things around me, the street vendors, the electric bikers and the whole lot of phlegm-spitting Chinese. In fact, my life has slowed down so much that I scared I cannot catch up with you guys when I'm back to Singapore. In the past, I used to walk very fast from point A to point B, I used to rush for time every day. Having a lot of agendas to meet and having a lot of activities that my time is so thinly spread out. But now, time is not an issue to me anymore. My world has stopped, my time has stopped and I am enjoying it, bit by bit. Then I realised that I am getting older! I dunno how much time I have left with me. Not to think, but to take each minute by each minute because you will not know what happy things or unhappy things will happen next."

Lastly, would like to leave you with a quote, my friend Pauline Low once said this to me,"Our happiness is truly dependent on how we look at things around us."