I am slowly becoming the person I meant to be

I realised that maybe..... God puts me in China for something to great to happen to me.

Well, maybe all my time spent here is just a test. I am tested by major changes, unfulfilled promises, unexpected situations and senseless delays. I guessed all these are just something that when I look back, I will just handle with a smile. I am thankful that I am paying so much to buy all these experiences for myself here in China. It is very difficult for people to imagine that I am spending more than 10K of my downary to buy myself nothing similar to Prada handbags, or the 'chiong' Gucci and LV purses, but experiences like these in this land of the Dragons.

My everyday events in China becomes the story of how I come to be. Each day here makes me get closer to who I am going to be. Every second here is a growth opportunity to deepen my character. Every moment is a chance for me to demonstrate my love, or for me to learn to depend on God and to love Him even more.

God never fails. Sadly, I only came to realise this when I am here, facing the battle alone. I regretted not serving Him earlier when I started my walk with Him. Its only when you are in such a desperate situation, you will then begin to find something to cling on, and then, only then you will realise how REAL God's promises were. Nothing to lose, but plenty to gain.

Its only when you see China in the eyes of His unconditional love, then you will be able to love and understand the people here, for who they are and what they did.

The Qinghai and Tibetan plateau

The second time I ever cried during my entire trip here, was nothing similar to the previous case. There are many reasons why a person will cry, either its about sadness, or its about joy. In fact, my tear-drops was not tears of sadness or disappointment, but rather, the peace and hope I felt when I looked out of the window.....

The scenery along the Qinghai and Tibetan plateau.


I was on route, returning from Lama’s house to Xining in Qinghai province. The scenery along the entire side of the road is so breath-taking, instead the busy and jammed-packed streets of Orchard Road.

Along the way, I see nothing that resembled humans. Only four legged animals, grazing so freely on the endless supplies of grass. in fact, I think that I think their stomach will bulge and exploded if they keep their heads down for another few more hours. I managed to see the sun set ( I need to travel for about 16 hours in the bus, and I will reach Xining around 5 am the next day morning!)

Picture this: rays of the sun splashes the green mountains with orange and yellow, lush green fields dotted with black and white yaks.

I felt I was so small, so insignificant, just like a speck of dust when I am faced with the wonder of nature. Upon that I could feel my eyes swelled with tears. Have you ever been in a situation that you are so touched by scenery that you can cry? and so as i was sitting on the bus, alone, looking out the clear window panel, and just see all these colours filling up my eyes, I remembered a quote from my idol- Helen Keller.

She said:" Isn't it sad to know that people who are blessed with the gift of sight are using them more for convenience than using them to add fullness to life?"

When you really see the wonderful creation of God- the great nature and you see it with your heart, it is so touching. I may be emotional.....


It was quite amazing that my emotions were well challenged and fully utilized. Once in while, we have to just let out our emotions, to double check that it is still there with us. What separate us from animals is that we are blessed with emotions.

its the train again!

In Xinjiang

well, its the train ride again. after experiencing plenty of train rides in China, i thought i could handle all kinds of unexpected situations happened on board. this time, the train ride caught me again.

i managed to buy a ticket from Kuqa to Kashgar in Xinjiang province, only then to realise that they only have "free standing" tickets, which means literally: you can stand freely where you want, but have to FIGHT HARD FOR SEATS! this also means that i have to be the first few (out of a few hundreds) go up to the train to look for the available 10 over seats.

the train starts from Urumuqi and its a passing train, which only stops at Kuqa for a few minutes before heading off to its destination - kashgar.

well, the train was scheduled to arrive at 2am in Kuqa and i was there waiting for the train at 12am. i decided not to check into a hotel in fear that i may forget to wake up for the train, moreover, the nearest hotel was like quite far away from the train station and i definitely didn't feel comfortable travelling to the train station alone in the middle of the night. so, i stayed over in the train station, trying to sleep on top of my bagpack in the sitting position.

announcement was made, that the train will be late and will only arrive at 3am. well well, nothing new as i was already half expecting that to happen, although i really really hoped that it will not happen. and so, i continued clinging onto all my bags and sleeping on them while waiting for the train to arrive. however, everyone else were already queueing to go in in front of the gate. (yes, they were queueing, but not for long...)

another announcement were made, the time has come...it was time to go in. within that few seconds while i was picking up my bag, people were already stamping onto each other and crashing through the gate, running over the poor and sleepy train conductor.

although i have been in China for quite some time, i refused to conform to become one of them. i was one of the last few to go in, although i understand that i have quite a costly price to pay: by being the last few to go in, i have to risk standing in the train for the next 8 hours before i reached Kashgar the next day. but i was really too tired and worn out to do anything physical, and also, i dunno whether is it because i want to uphold my interity or i want to uphold my image, i cannot stand the sight of myself pushing around like a crazy woman and steping on top of the old and weak. its pushing my limits....

nevertheless, i managed to get onto the train and without much surprise, all the seats were filled. many seats were actually occupied by people sleeping across the entire bench. i was quite pissed to see that, because this means that they had occupied 3 seats each and many available seats in total.

i tried to wake the person up but was being ignored. i tried to wake up another person and he pretend that he is soundly asleep. Bad acting. seeing them so comfortably covered under blankets and snoring, i really felt so sorry for myself. i think i went into this mode of self-pitiness and i dunno why but i teared. guessed its just all the accumulations of frustrations and tiredness.
i was sad, that how people can remain so indifferent to other people's sufferings and turn their backs away. i have this immediate feeling of rejection, and to consider the fact that i came all the way here to china to serve them and help the poor. i am actually not asking anything back at all, yet, they themselves are doing these deeds to their own country-mates. totally oblivious to other people's sufferings. (btw,there are a lot of others standing together with me as well)

well well.....and yes, i stood all the way till i reach my destination, standing for my grounds and standing to fend for my moral values.

difficult, but i choose to be here.